I saw a news headline recently describing this sudden escalation in violence against women as a ‘silent epidemic’. I would beg to differ in that it is by no means a sudden escalation, nor has it ever been silent. Instances of domestic violence haven’t increased, the rate at which you are made aware of them has simply increased via mainstream media.

The only silence that has existed has been from the authorities, medical community & school system that has witnessed the loudness of domestic violence & yet chose to turn a blind eye & a closed mouth.

What you have is generations of people reaching adulthood who have been raised in circumstances of domestic violence, in a country which has remained silent against domestic violence for generations. It’s the hurt people who are growing up to hurt people.

Having been born into a violent home subject to physical, emotional & financial abuse, I can tell you that domestic violence is never silent.

When my mother walked around in public with a black eye, was that silent or was that a very loud indicator of physical abuse?

When my mother walked around in old men’s clothing & hand-knitted herself a vest made from carpet wool she had found in the garage, was that silent or was that a very loud indicator of financial abuse?

When my mother miscarried after a violent assault within the home, was that silent or was that a very loud indicator of physical abuse?

When authorities were called to our home because someone was wielding an axe & screaming in the yard, was that silent or was that a very loud indicator of domestic violence?

When police turned up to our home on numerous occasions to find rifles mounted on the walls, was that silent or was that a very loud indicator of a violent home?

When my sister went to school & couldn’t eat nor drink, but dry heaved all day, was that silent or was that a very loud indicator of domestic abuse?

When we described to authorities the sickening details of death threats made during custody visits, was that silent or was that a very loud indicator of our safety at risk.

The only resounding silence we ever knew was from everyone that left us there in those circumstances for 15+ years, in the loudness of domestic violence because this country has, for generations, remained very silent on the topic of domestic violence.

There is no sudden escalation of violence against women, nor an epidemic that many of us weren’t born into generations ago. And what is further silenced is that the violence doesn’t end when, after 15+ years, you finally find the means to escape. Nor does it end once divorce is finalized. It doesn’t even end when you grow up to be an adult.

The culture of violence that existed within the family when you were 8 years old continues to exist when you are 18, 28 & 38 years old. It continues & the violence begets further generational violence because when you’re born into violence you know nothing other than to act or react with violence or to flee in fear. To be born into & to exist in fight-or-flight mode every day is to know no other way than to live in fight-or-flight mode. You either become a replica of your violent caretaker or you become a person that retreats & isolates from society.

You fight or take flight.

Children born into domestic violence have grown into adulthood & are performing the same acts of violence within the home they bore witness to every day. Some of them are, at least. But not the sum of us.

Violence begets violence.

I recall there was a catchy slogan the Howard Government introduced in 2004, ‘Violence Against Women, Australia Says No’. The truth is, Australians have sat back & said nothing for all these years.

The epidemic is the silence.

Dee

XX